just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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