No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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