So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
