I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
