I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
