was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
