I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
