Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
