Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
