It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
