quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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