nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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