Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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