I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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