1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
