A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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