therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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