I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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