Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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