Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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