Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
