they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
