youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
