I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
