You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
