Dual....:-)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
