ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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