does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
