dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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