ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
