Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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