i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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