didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize