What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
