he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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