we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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