If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
