Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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