Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize