What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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