I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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