I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
