I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
