She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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