we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
