after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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