Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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