vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
