We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
