i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
