I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was like having sex with a tree stump
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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