Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
