u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
