What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
