i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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