Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She bit a glass in half.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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