I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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