she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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