highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
now i know why i became what i already was.
and she was petting her beer can
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
