I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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