He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
