You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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