I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
