how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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