:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
