My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
