this boner is exhausting
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
