i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
