I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
