3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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