I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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