there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
