Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
