you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
