She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
