just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just high enough for therapy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
