so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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