dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
