Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
