Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
These tits shall not be calmed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
