Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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