But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
only if we run a train.
done.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
