my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
