billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
