mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
