i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
