I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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