no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
